So you’re a superhuman who doesn’t know what to do with himself. If you’re reading this, maybe you’re considering self-gratification.
As a super, your physical needs will diminish. Eating, sleeping, maybe even breathing! Many of you won’t need a shelter from the elements. And this is great, because it means you never have to work again.
I know, I know – society has conditioned you to believe that you need to fit yourself in somewhere, like a cog in a machine. Well you aren’t a cog anymore. You’re a spanner in the works, and society has no idea what to do about you. It’s only been fifty years or so since superhumans emerged. In that time we haven’t even figured out how to keep up with all the changes to Facebook. You think solving the problem of demigods is going to be fast?
So, forget society! Self-gratification is actually a pretty good thing to take up. Here’s why.
- You work for yourself and make your own hours. I can’t stress how liberating this is.
- Nobody else is using your powers in ways you don’t agree with.
- It’s usually the least harmful thing you can do. I mean, I’m not advocating that you turn into a mass-murdering psychopath or mercenary or something here. I’m just saying, if it feels good, do it.
For example, my power as Mr. Big is control over the weak nuclear force, and sometimes the electroweak force. In simple terms, I can grow and shrink. Well, what am I going to do with that? Just what I did do – got on a diving suit and replicated the music video of “Straight Ahead” from Tube & Berger. Sure, I had to kidnap Chrissie Hynde and steal a sound system to make it all work, but it was perfect. Just perfect. Nobody got hurt, and people downtown got to take a lot of really neat pictures. It sure had the tourists going, let me tell you.
